August 25, 2006
notes from the middle of applying new knowledge
We're working on praising the kids right away for all the good things they do this week. We've got a list a page and a half long of all the instructions for how and when to use praise to help the kids. Guess it's pretty important. I knew that, I'm sure, at one time or other, but that's the kind of thing that gets lost along the path of living with a child that has defiance issues. The power of the positive (or substitute 'Word of God' for 'positive' and you have a similar phenomena) to create and bring out new virtuous behaviors and just change thoughts and habits, is truly a remarkable and beautiful thing to behold. I think we're making progress, though we still have the same issues every day- kind words (especially first thing in the morning) and peaceful bodies, keeping our temper when we are hungry or tired or overstimulated. It seems to be a big part of being human to grapple with these issues, but in this household, with some extremes of personality, these issues loom large every day. When they go well, there is peace and moving forward and doing fun things together. And when they go badly, there is fighting and sadness and chaos and stuckness. I don't know if being vague here is really absolving me of the feeling that I'm backbiting somewhat, but it's hard to know how to talk about parenting problems when they come up. I will say that I'm giving this effort to help our family get on the right track my all and that that feels really good, in a very fundamental and tapping into spiritual power kind of way. It's a God thing to try hard for your kids.
August 13, 2006
Her Royal Pinkness
This picture is an ode to bright pink. The color my children most like to wear. The classic color of polka dots, hovering other-worldly in a field of white or green. But it's not a man-made concept- this pink is in amazingly tacky sunsets and flowers that you only need a few of to be a focal point of your garden. But it's fun to overdo it when it comes to bright pink. It sort of lends itself to such indulgence. You might as well just wear it over your whole body:
...like Maya in the middle here. She just goes for it. And doesn't she make pink look like such a strong color? I know I've written this before, but once she said, 'I have a power, deep down inside me' (or something like that). She has such a strong presence. She's indomitable.
And here we have the fierce froggy guard of the flower garden at our local Arboretum. Do not mess with her, unless you intend to tickle her! She will love it, and she'll say 'teeko, teeko' and laugh.
I love my girls.
We're trying to put more alone time with each parent into the girls' days to help with certain behavior problems that we're having at present with the older two. Lots of fighting and defiance and just general negativity. The special times that Billy and I spend with each one really help me focus on their good qualities and give them a forum for saying whatever they need to say. It's a really good thing. They each get at least 15 minutes of a parent's undivided attention every day. This is the first step of an eight step program that we're trying from the book "Your Defiant Child". I'll let you know how it goes. For now I'm just taking in all the pinkness, in it's sassy, spicy, brightness.